Gintoki's Dream Job
by TheSeventeenthDoctor
Summary: Gintoki has finally found a perfect position entirely befitting his lazy and phlegmatic personality, but nothing ever goes as planned. Warning: Explicit content.


**Disclaimer: All the characters are owned by Hideaki Sorachi.**

"You _do_ need to find a job, Gin-chan!" Kagura exclaimed. "We have no money at all!"

"Oi, oi, don't be such a pain in the ass. I'm too lazy for working," Sakata replied without even looking at her. He was lying on the couch, reading JUMP and feeling just fine. He hated even thinking about getting a job. His life was complete, and he did not intend to spoil it.

"Gin-chan, you're such a moron!" the girl rolled her eyes and started to pat Sadaharu.

Gintoki ignored the replay and continued reading. After having turned the page, he noticed that this issue of JUMP contained a special column with vacancy announcement. It annoyed him greatly. Sakata was already about to throw his once beloved JUMP out of the window when he realized that all the listed jobs were completely out of ordinary. The headline said "Uncommon vacancies for people of unusual ability", and to the silver-haired samurai's surprise, there were no special requirements. At least nothing he could not do. He thoughtfully picked his nose and skimmed over the best announcement called "Phlegmatic cuties for happy cuddling":

"_Are REALLY imperturbable? Is your composure unruffled enough? Does your laziness stand out? Then you are more than just needed! Loaf about, spread happiness – that's our motto! Be paid for literally doing nothing!"_

Turning his sloth into professional career! That was exactly what he needed. Never would he think his idleness could get him that far! He was perfectly fit for the job. No one could do it better. Gintoki smiled to himself and lingered over getting up off the sofa to prove to himself that he was the absolute champion of laziness, nonchalance and devil-may-care attitude. Then he took the phone receiver and dialed the number mentioned in the announcement.

* * *

The first workday started just fine. The sky was blue, the sun was shining bright, the flowers were in bloom, and the birds were singing. Gintoki took his motorbike and headed to the office.

The building was very cozy inside, and the samurai liked it straight away. He was greeted a by smiling pretty young woman who started to explain the job's details,

"Well, actually this is mostly a job for cute school girls and beautiful ladies, but we are terribly lacking staff right now, so you will do as well."

"What do you mean I will do as well?" Sataka cried at her. "Am I not pretty enough?"

"I'm not saying you're not pretty, but you're certainly not a schoolgirl…"

"I get it, it must be my natural perm bothering you, right? That's exactly why I've never been popular!" Gintoki exclaimed, completely vexed.

"That's not it!" the woman was getting irritated. "Will you listen to what I'm saying? You are to wait until you are chosen by a client and then you just go to their place and do nothing. The pay is by the hour."

"Oi, is this some kind of perverted prostitution?" Sakata asked, surprised at the thought.

"Of course it's not! You'll be working as a phlegmatic cutie too unruffled to get laid! People will just cuddle you, or maybe kiss you on the cheek."

"Oi, that does sound perverted!" he objected.

"Well, that's your work. Did you expect to be paid for nothing?"

"That's exactly what your job announcement promised!" the samurai protested.

"Relax," the lady sighed, "the work is easy."

One hour later a client showed up, and it was the one he wanted to see the least – the black-haired nationalistic samurai followed by his gigantic amanto pet. Gintoki knew him very well, almost better than he would like to, and he certainly didn't want to meet him.

"Gintoki! What are you doing in a place like this?" Katsura asked.

"Working," he replied.

"So you finally got a job," Kotaro concluded. "Well done. As for me, I'd like to hire some phlegmatic cuties for my people. It seems to be well-deserved," he smirked, "since our last operation was a success! We almost brought the government to their knees."

"Oi, Zura, I couldn't care less about your terrorism."

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura," the blacked-haired samurai set straight. Then he ordered all the cuties available probably intending to entertain the whole Joui.

"Almost all our staff are girls, but we have one guy, you know…" the young receptionist started to explain, obviously confused about this fact. "Here he is," she motioned to Sakata. "You seem to know him, so he probably will do…"

"Of course he will!" Katsura brightened up, thinking about all the possible ways to lure his friend into the Joui.

When both friends and a mob of cute girls left the office, the lady seemed to feel relieved. Though she had been working in this strange organization for some time now, she had not got used to it yet.

* * *

"Edo will become a free land soon! Amanto will leave our dear homeland! Forever and ever!" Katsura was delivering his patriotic speech, but no one listened. "Will you listen, please? I'm speaking about the future of our country!" he expressed his indignation.

"Relax, Zura, no one cares," Gintoki observed.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

"Katsura-san, these girls are so nice, cute and calm!" a voice was heard confirming what Sakata had just said. Everybody was busy spending time with phlegmatic cuties. Even Elisabeth, the dark-haired samurai's most loyal follower, didn't pay any attention to his speech.

"I don't get it…" Kotaro mumbled. "Why doesn't anyone care about what I'm saying while I'm such a great leader?"

"Or maybe you're not," Gintoki said, but his remark remained completely ignored.

Time seemed to slow down. Katsura kept saying some patriotic nonsense and the silver-haired samurai felt as he was going to fall asleep at any moment. He almost started to dream when Kotaro woke him up with a strange question:

"Gintoki… Can I hug you?" the leader of the Joui looked extremely serious.

"What?" Sakata mumbled sleepily.

"I asked if I can hug you," the black-haired samurai repeated.

"No, you can't. That's stupid."

"But that's what you are paid for!"

"I'm paid for doing nothing. That's my work," Gintoki objected.

"Indeed! I will just hug you, and you do nothing! That's fair!"

Katsura was the most stubborn person Sakata had ever met which meant that there was no use in arguing. At the same time Sakata was very mulish too.

Kotaro leaned forward and hugged his friend. That actually felt pretty good. Gintoki liked the dark-haired offender's smell and the warmth of his body. He was also very handsome. Far too handsome for a male terrorist. Sakata did not fall under his charm though. He remembered very well that he had said he did not want any hugs, so he pushed him away quite rudely.

"You must work, or I will complain to your employer!" Katsura threatened.

"I've already worked my ass off!" the silver-haired samurai protested.

"I must have missed the working process then! You are paid for happy cuddling! Happy!" the leader of the Joui articulated the last word. "How is that happy if you push me away?!" he looked sincerely indignant.

"I'm too cute and phlegmatic to care about your happiness," Gintoki shrugged his shoulders.

"But you should care!" Kotaro was offended. "Well, if you don't want to do your work, that's your own fault. This won't stop me from making profit of the money I paid for your visit!"

The dark-haired samurai moved closer and put his head on Sakata's shoulder. The latter tried to resist, and they started a sort of a fight. All the terrorists in the room looked asquint at them, so Gintoki had to yield to avoid a bigger fight with the whole Joui. Katsura seized that opportunity to press him closer to his body. That felt good, way better than it should have felt, even though Kotaro's arms held the silver-haired samurai tight enough to kill him. Sakata was pressed against Katsura's chest and he could hear his heartbeat and feel his chest moving with the rise and fall of the breathes he took. He wouldn't normally care about some stubborn idiot's pulse, but this time everything was different. Katsura suddenly seemed appealing. Not that he wasn't handsome before, but Gintoki had never thought it over. He simply could not imagine himself together with this eccentric terrorist. The whole thing was sick. They didn't look that good together. Meanwhile Kotaro's right hand slipped down on his chest. A minute later it moved downward one more time, now resting on his stomach. Sakata felt as he would gasp for breath. That was even worse than he imagined. In this day and age, phlegmatic cuties did not have it easy in this world.

Katsura's eyes widened when he noticed his friend's erection. Somehow it did not stop him. On the contrary, he realized he liked it, so he continued to provoke Gintoki by proceeding with this so-called "happy cuddling".

"There is no way my soul will break just by this," the silver-haired samurai thought. "Or maybe it will," he changed his mind as he felt Kotaro's hot breath on his neck.

"If you don't cut this out, I won't be able to stay that phlegmatic anymore," Sakata spoke through clenched teeth.

"What do you mean?" Katsura acted as he did not realize what his friend was talking about.

"Zura, are you stupid?" Gintoki had already started stroking Katsura's hair.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

Sakata was mad at the terrorist. Kotaro behaved in the most provocative way possible and yet did not intend to admit it! Gintoki took Katsura's wrists and squeezed them so that he wasn't able to move away. The dark-haired samurai looked surprised, and his amazement grew even more when Sakata kissed him on the lips. He blushed greatly and muttered,

"You can't do it. My body is not only for myself. It's for the country."

"I've warned you, Zura, it's entirely your fault."

"It's not neither Zura nor my fault! It's Katsura!"

Gintoki ignored this nonsense and tried to take off his friend's ukata.

"Gintoki, stop it!" Katsura protested. "The whole Joui's watching us!"

"Who cares?"

"I care! I'm their leader!"

"Then tell them to turn away!"

"It'll make it even more suspicious,' he sighed. "Okay… I'm good at disguising myself and deceiving people, so I'll come up with something."

Kotaro stood up, cleared his throat and announced:

"Gintoki and I, we will go upstairs and talk politics in my bedroom. Please don't disturb us while we're deciding the future of this country."

Everybody, including unruffled phlegmatic cuties, looked shocked.

"Now they'll never figure it out!" Katsura smiled at his friend, proud of himself.

"Zura, you're an idiot!" Sakate exclaimed.

"It's not Zura, it's Katsura!"

* * *

Katsura was moaning with pleasure as Gintoki covered his skin with kisses. His lips were soft and hot, and his hands fondled him with passion. The clothes were on the floor. Kotaro felt his body temperature rise gradually. When Sakata stroked his hair, he got a warm feeling deep inside his chest. After his fingertips touched his face, this warmth transformed into a fever turning his cheeks pink. When Gintoki's hand slid down, he colored up even more, for a fire was being kindling within his body. When he caressed his chest, the flame became scorching, and when his palms settled on his stomach keeping moving downward, the blaze got sizzling. It felt like his whole body was burning, but in the most amazing way possible. He was happy to be on fire. Sakata did not mind it either.

Katsura quivered as Gintoki squeezed his crotch, making his hardened flesh feel incredible. Then he took off the boxers and started to lick his erection with his tongue putting some pressure on the meatus, as if trying to penetrate inside that sensitive hole, and then he sucked on the tip of the penis, placing his slightly swollen lips around the ridge, his hands massaging the shaft and stroking his balls.

"Gintoki, I'm going to cum," Kotaro panted.

"Control yourself, aren't you a samurai?" Sakara asked, concentrated on licking his own fingers. Katsura hardly had time to ask himself why would the silvered-haired samurai do such a strange thing when he pushed his finger into his body, gradually penetrating deeper and deeper. It was painful at first, but then it made him groan with pleasure, arching and longing for more. His entrance prepared, Gintoki rubbed against his lover's back, his hard and wet member teasing his lover's body.

Entering inside Kotaro turned out to be painful, but the unpleasant sensation did not last quickly dissipated by an amazing new feeling making both men increase their pace and groan with pleasure.

They came almost soon after they had started, because the excitement was too strong. It was their first time together, and every feeling, every emotion, every touch, every sensation was brand new and very appealing.

"I still can't get it. What the hell has just happened?" Sakata inquired lazily, taking Katsura in his arms.

"Aren't you stupid? We've just had sex," the leader of the Joui looked completely serious, but his cheeks turned bright pink. Gintoki chuckled at this sweet reaction.

"Looks like you're the one stupid here, Zura. Just try to make this kind of dead serious face in front of the mirror, and you'll get it yourself."

"It's not Zura! It's Katsura!" the black-haired samurai never forgot to clarify it.

"Who cares?" the silver-haired one shrugged his shoulders.

Kotaro turned away, displaying his resentment. Sakata took his face in his hands and gently kissed him. This made Katsura much happier.

"Now that I think of it… After what you have done to me, it is obvious that you _must_ join the Joui whether you like it or not."


End file.
